After simmering this for years, I am setting up my own social setting (I'm not a fan of the word "community"). I'm bracing myself as I share this because it hits me right at the "undeserving" childhood legacy.
But it's affordable (3 tiers) and whatever doesn't work at first, will get fixed as I go.
I'm new at this. Gotta get started. This year, I did several things that I had been simmering to do. It was a productive summer. I was brave, daring.
I didn't want to set this up on Patreon, where most people are.
Instead, I am trying this new site which is where I have set up a shop, as well.
The membership part is at the bottom of the page.
I'm hoping to stop selling on eBay (fees are too high and not enough eyes), except for once a month, during the Nibblebest, which starts on the 20th of every month (tomorrow!) and ends on the 27th. This month's theme is "circles".
I'm having such a hard time in this transition from Summer to Fall to Winter. I feel sleepy all of the time, and depression is trying to creep in, and energy is dwindling, even though the things that need to be done sort of quadruple, in preparation for rain. I'm in denial too.
Oh how I wish I could pack all of my animals (totally unrealistic thinking) and head down to Mexico for the winter. And since I am dreaming, in my dream I have a vacation home there with staff and I can just rest and work on creative endeavors and tend to a garden, and go visit waterfalls and eat the local food and this place is also far from the noise, because Mexico is very noisy, I hear.
I'm craving a soul to dream with me. And for now, I dream alone.
I want to spend less time on social media and more time in real life activities. I want to garden in winter, even get rained on for a bit, and not stop my life just because it's dark and cold out. I want to stop fearing the strong winds.
I want to find a couple of people that will want to exchange letters. And I mean snail mail letters. A few years back, I had people sending me cards during the holidays (a nice gesture that I coudn't keep up with) but it stopped; maybe because I didn't return the gesture (?). Maybe because they stopped doing it. Well, 2020 sort of blew a lot of things out and changed us.
I've spend far too much time online since then. Eating up my real life. But this year I did good. I went out far more than I normally did before. I'm taking classes; I started attending a crochet group. Not perfectly, tho. I miss the dates. I often forget that it's happening. If I don't look at my calendar, there's no way I can remember.
This week I skipped my class. I just didn't have the energy to drive. I felt like I was in a daze all day. Took me hours to feel awakened and I didn't feel safe to drive like that.
It may look like lack of discipline but I have lived my live with lots of room for flexibility. I'm not the same person every single day. I morph, I change, I pay attention to how I feel and act accordingly. I works for me. There was a time in my life that I attempted to give in to the perfectionism I learned in childhood. It was a disaster. So much pressure that I would put on myself if I missed doing something that I was "supposed" to do. I'd beat myself up, relentlessly, and self criticize. Until I noticed what was happening. And I stopped.
I also learned why I was trapped in that cycle, and it was completely attached to unresolved childhood events.
This is a reason to get off the internet and into Nature. These patterns will scream at you. And you listen, and you change, and you learn to befriend yourself and treat you as best as you can, and keep doing it. It's very important to not keep doing activities that make you ZONE OUT. That's the first step to addiction.
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(C) 2024 Cris Melo / Melo Earth
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