The World On Fire

Drove me crazy today. I was watching a bit of live video from the fire in S. California. Ya know, retraumatizing myself. Behind the reporter there were a bunch of cars that people had abandoned because they all got stuck in a jam. In a Jeep, I spotted an animal carrier. It would fit a cat or a small dog. I kept asking in the chat window for the reporter to go look at the carrier to see if a cat was inside. No one responded. The chat window was going too fast, with jokes, sadness, cynicism, anxiety and all array of human emotions and bad behavior. Then the reporter saw a woman walking and carrying things. The woman was most calm amidst the thick smoky air and apocalyptic surroundings. She had been to her home and was walking back to her car. One of her shoulder bags was a carrier with a dog inside. The poor dog was so upset. The woman said she went to her home to get the dog but left the cat behind. A bunch of people in the chat were outraged that she left the cat.

People think cats can take care of themselves. People think cats are disposable. Once, a family member asked me to go live with him and when I mentioned I have animals he said "bring the dogs, the cats take care of themselves". Um, what? And what would I do with my grief and guilt for abandoning them? Preposterous proposal.

I sometimes imagine packing the 8 cats (there is a 9th one who is not well accepted by the regular pack), putting them in crates, stacking them up on the back of my truck, and driving away somewhere else. Like they do in movies. It's just fantasy. I'm not doing that because it would be the anxiety caravan. 13 anxious beings on wheels. Nah. We stay here. Oh, and about fire. A few years ago I evacuated due to a fire that could have burned by home. But I only had 3 dogs then. I was proud of how well I did being away from home, considering my state of mind, and how I packed so much stuff in the back of my truck, on the spur of a few hours prior to leaving. I had learned to pack during my marriage. X and I used to travel a lot. I would watch him pack. I learned.

It's been a mild winter. I'm not complaining. 

If you see typos in this rambling, ignore.

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